January 2010
13 posts
New.
My computer got restarted. Everything’s gone. So new and fresh computer. So sleepy. Today isn’t so bad after all. :)
Opening in up.
I rarely open up about my feelings to people. The awful truth comes out. I break down. I can’t say the truth because even thought I know the truth, I can’t handle it. I’m a weak person. I’m a wimp. I’m a person that would keep big things to themselves because I just can’t express them without being emotional. Just opened up to someone I least expected. It made...
You.
I’m sorry I fucked up. It was an accident. I just wished that I didn’t do it. I’m stupid. I don’t even have the nerve to talk to you. I already apologize. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but then I will make it up. =/
Pretend.
I pretended not to see you online. I am scared to talk to you.
UGH, I screwed up.
I didn’t mean too. I know I did you wrong. You got every right to be mad at me. Please, I want to earn it back. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but mines. I’m sorry. I want to make it up to you. I feel very guilty and horrible. You have no idea. I worry about it every single day up til this point. I mess up a lot, but then this is different. I really need you to forgive me.
WHY?
Why am I avoiding them? Why don’t I take action? Why am I lying to myself?
I don’t want to get hurt ever again.
It’s the worst feeling ever. I’m always the one getting hurt. From time to time, I’m someone is getting hurt. And that person is me. My life is currently around my pain. Please help me find a way to paradise.
Moments.
Moments like these make me reminisce.
I’m scared. I admit. I’m in denial. Okay? I admit to myself, I’m scared and in denial. I can’t push away these feelings because it’s hard. I have denied my feelings. I have lied to myself so I won’t have to worry, but now I’m worrying about everything.
Wow.
2010 is already sucking for me. Ugh fuck this year. I want to get school over with already. I also want this year to stop sucking.
Darryl.
Happy birthday Darryl.<3 :D Turning 16 now! Haha :) Hope you’ll have a good one without me! XD
BWAHAHAHA.
I am finally at home. My parents are way out of it and now they’re sleeping. My brother and I are up right now and doing stupid shit. It’s a new year. Should I be happy or should I be sad? I am not even sure. I am feeling between happy and discontent. Hmmm…. weird huh?